Patriarchal Blessings

As a volunteer youth worker, I can't think of anything I do which is more fulfilling than praying over our teens. It doesn't happen often, and when I pray for one of my guys it has always been initiated by them at the suggestion of a third party; nothing is forced. What I find so interesting about these times of prayer is the emotional rush that seems to accompany the event -- both for me, and for the person receiving prayer.

In retrospect, these prayers are the closest thing to prophecy that I find in Evangelical churches. They are, in many ways, closer to prophecy than anything I have ever spoken in charismatic circles, even without the "thus says the Lord" part. I call these prayers prophetic because they are -- not the "telling the future" kind of prophecy you get in fiction, but "speaking the words of God" prophecy after the Biblical model.

Before you write me off as an arrogant fool, let me explain: I am not praying that way to show off. When I pray for one of our teens, I honestly don't trust my own intentions, and I am seeking desperately to find the will of God in his life. The result is a prayer that asks God for what God already wills; I call that prophetic.

This is the part that I find so emotionally intense. I have prophesied in large groups and in small in various church settings on multiple continents, and I know how to seek spiritual direction from God. Nonetheless, I am still overwhelmed to witness the passion of God for his people. He reaches beyond my knowledge to the secret hurt, and speaks healing there. And why he would involve me in that process is beyond my comprehension.

While thinking about this earlier today, I noticed the similarity between my prayers and the patriarchal blessings in Genesis. In each, an older man (the father) speaks encouragement into his son's soul by pointing to his gifts and callings, and declares out loud how God will provide for those callings to be fulfilled.

This kind of prayer is in many ways The Answer that John Eldridge describes in Wild at Heart -- the answer to the question:

Do I have what it takes to be a man?

Young men can only get this answer if it is given by another, older man.

The story of Esau contains a dramatic example of this answer undelivered. When Jacob deceives his father, Isaac, Isaac mistakenly gives him the blessing intended for Esau. Isaac favored Esau over his brother, and the blessing shows it: the position of family leader and delivery of lifelong blessing from God. When Esau later arrives for the blessing he was promised, there is no way that Isaac can truly bless him without contradicting what he has already spoken.

This is the agony of a man whose father cannot, or will not, answer his question. "Bless me - me too, O my Father!" Esau cries, weeping. He knows his need, and knows that it will not be met. As a result, Esau learns to hate his brother, to the point where Jacob has to run away to save his own life.

Have you lived through that pain? You can make a choice to keep from passing it on. When it came time for Jacob to give his own blessing, he had a blessing for all twelve of his sons, even though everyone knew that Joseph was his favorite. Each one had his question answered.

Are you in a position to give that blessing? I don't have any sons (though I do have two daughters), yet I find that just by being around young men I end up in the position where they come to me for the blessing. Some of them have excellent Christian fathers. Others have fathers who don't know Christ, and some don't have a father involved in their lives at all. Regardless, their need as young men remains. If you are a Christian man in authority over younger men, you have what it takes to speak the Answer into their lives. And the older you are, the more powerful that answer can be.

Having said all this, I still consider this post to be nontrivial because I can't see the rest of the picture. Consider:

1. If the question for young men is "Do I have what it takes?" is there an equivalent question for young women?


2. Is that question for young women something that only a mother figure can answer?


3. What about prayer across gender lines? Is there an answer I give to my daughters through prayer, or one that boys get from their mothers?


4. Finally, how do we distinguish between a patriarchal blessing and inappropriate meddling?

Of this much, however, I am certain: our families, even in the church, are in such disarray that many young men have no one to give them a blessing. The need is great, perhaps greater than it has ever been before.

Community and Grace

In recent years, I have participated in three online communities: Facebook, Perl Monks, and Sons of Sam Horn. Of these, the latter two are significant because they are primarily composed of people I don't know from meatspace. Both groups are topical -- the former, Perl Programming, the latter, Red Sox baseball -- and both groups contain a significant number of experts from whom I could learn a lot. I have read from, and posted to, both groups.

There, however, the comparison fails. While my involvement with SOSH was short-lived, my involvement with PM continues. The difference in these two relationships, plain and simple, is grace.

Lets be honest here, I should not have been surprised by this difference. SOSH is a notoriously unkind community. We Sox fans are historically tough on our beloved team and its critics alike, and SOSH raises that toughness to an art form. If you post something that is less than well written, it is out there forever, and they will rip you to shreds.

PerlMonks, however, gives you room to fail without feeling permanently outcast. I have been flat-out wrong in my time at PM far more than I ever was at SOSH, but I keep coming back. Upon reflection, I think I keep coming back because this grace made me feel welcome in a way that I never have at SOSH.

My home church has a similar situation to these two communities in that we regularly have visitors, and some of these visitors don't know anyone in the main service. They may have different opinions on free will, worship styles, or what constitutes "appropriate clothing" for church. Some visitors may not even agree with you on such essentials as the divinity of Jesus. Despite these differences, I think we can identify some techniques from PerlMonks that we can use to maintain community through grace:

• Freedom PM has a "chat" area where members can kick around ideas without risking their long-term reputation. There is also a lot of opportunity to laugh together. Does your lobby provide this?


• Feedback PM has a "voting system" whereby members are able to indicate approval or disapproval on the value of posts. This communicates reputation back to the members. Do you provide this level of honesty?


• Flexibility PM allows members to edit their posts after the fact, often in response to prior feedback. If you make a bad post, you can fix it. Do you provide people room to grow?


• Forgetfullness PM has a process whereby postings that are sufficiently incompatible with the community are "Node Reaped" and removed from the discussion (e.g. trolling, flame wars, spamming, etc.). Do you hold a grudge, or are you willing to forgive?

In a real-world community, the process of grace will be different, but the principle remains. If we don't give people the liberty to be wrong and a commitment that supersedes their mistakes, people won't stick around.